Wild Weekend of Sports: All Hail Johnny Football


Wild Weekend of Sports highlights the biggest and best sports news and events from the weekend, with a little bit of comic relief.


* Johnny Manziel threw for 253 yards and two touchdowns to lead No. 15 Texas A&M to a huge upset over No. 1 Alabama in Tuscaloosa. After the tragic breakup of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, Johnny Football pulled off another upset as he had higher odds of hooking up Saturday night than the great Bieber himself.

* Marcus Mariota threw six touchdowns for the Oregon Ducks in their victory over Cal. Mariota thanked coach Chip Kelly for daring him to tie Matt Barkley’s personal record. “I love Chip’s jokes. I couldn’t break the record. I feel bad for that poor Barkley guy,” Mariota said.

* Star receiver Marquess Wilson left Washington State and accused coach Mike Leach and his staff of abusive behavior. In Leach’s basement he swayed back and forth holding his buddy picture of Michael Crabtree and himself at Texas Tech and whispering, “He’s jealous. They’re all just jealous.” He then fell asleep to his brother’s best movie “The Goonies.”

* The Dodgers bid $25.7 million for South Korean pitcher, Ryu Hyun-Jin. Magic Johnson was later seen racing around on go-karts and watching his favorite movie “Blank Check.”


* The New Orleans Saints ended the Atlanta Falcons’ perfect season with a 31-27 win. Tony Gonzalez was furious and challenged Jimmy Graham to a dunk-off. After the first round Gonzalez requested a layup contest.

* The Rams and 49ers tied 24-24 for the first time since 2008. With a creepy wink, 49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh said, “A tie is like kissing your sister.” He has a sister? Oh, that sly dog!

* Quarterbacks Alex Smith, Michael Vick and Jay Cutler all left their game with a concussion. To help safety, the NFL has decided to equip every quarterback with knight’s armor and a sword. In a satatement Roger Goodell said, “If any defender hits you in the head, you are allowed one slash to the thigh!”

* In a shocking late night hiring, the Lakers have turned dowm Phil Jackson and hired Mike D’Antoni as their newest head coach. Dwight Howard then pulled out his dartboard with D’Antoni’s face, shook his head and said, “Easy money.”

Categories: Sports

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2 replies

  1. I never thought Bama would fall! 🙂

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